she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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