She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
