That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
