Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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