I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
