Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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