I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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