her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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