he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
