oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
