I think I died a long time ago.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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