so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
