omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
