Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
