Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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