peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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