I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
