I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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