I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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