so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
