I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
