He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
