My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
