i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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