college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You ruined the universe
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