i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
