My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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