So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
