Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
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He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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