he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
