did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fuck appropriateness.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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