Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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