Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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