It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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