So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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