btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
