I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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