So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
