i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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