and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
