Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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