So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
