Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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