come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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