fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
