Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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