Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
