I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
