update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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