yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
