Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
