Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
