you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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