so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
