Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
