I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
