She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do herpes really smell.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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