Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
