I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
