There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
