Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
a search helicopter?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
