are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
