College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
