are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
