I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
