The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
