I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
