At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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