hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
