I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
