Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there's paper in my vomit.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
