New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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