put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
