WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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