I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
