My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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