remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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