the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
