I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
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