apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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