I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
