I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
