Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
